You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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