he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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