we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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