She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize