I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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