i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
