Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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