if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
