I can text with my tongue
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
