I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
