im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
