Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
