i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
