I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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