The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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