The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
