what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
smell my finger.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
