I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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