You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
