I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
are you so shy because you have an std?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
