So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize