I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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