she was so not down for the gang bang
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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