Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
