Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize