so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
did i walk over a car last night?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
