My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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