Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
