when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize