I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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