Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
