I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
