My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
