you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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