I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
