So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
