Tell her she can't have a vagina
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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