If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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