WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
high people should be assigned attendants
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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