Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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