Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
