I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
