Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
