I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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