FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize