Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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