so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He? As in you personified your dick?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
