Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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