as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
