I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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