I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We are all done wearing pants today
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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