and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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