He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
