He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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