I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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