your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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