I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize