5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
