I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
