you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
