when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
