Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
