I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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