i would punch a child for taco bell
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize