bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
