I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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