...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
