sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
