Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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