How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
