So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
