watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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