If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
