You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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