remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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