come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
