Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
