I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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