So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
