I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
