So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The air was thick with penises
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
