You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
