I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
