Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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